Messin' with Craigslist.org
What is Craigslist.org? Well you know those last few pages of your local newspaper ( the ones where you can find a job, or someone to mow your grass.. or an "escort") ... well imagine those pages and Myspace had a one night stand, and Myspace got pregnant. Now imagine that Myspace drank heavily throughout the pregnancy and the result was a very plain and almost still-born website known as Craigslist.
For those of you who "really don't know", or at least don't want your friends and family to know that you know, Craigslist.org is where some of the creepiest and sleaziest (and funniest) people go to meet up for a variety of fantastic reasons. Weather you need to sell that old mattress your kids used to wet the bed on, or you are looking for a "casual encounter" after your spouse heads out for that business trip... Craigslist can hook you up!
There are a plethora of funny M4W, M4M, W4M, W4W, W4MMMMWMWMMMM etc. ads in the "personals" section, and many of them come equipped with pictures that I won't try to describe to you... or even suggest you see. However, I won't be focusing on these ads for my article. I want you to know about another section that can provide you with HOURS of free entertainment! All you need is a computer (and I know you have one, because you are reading this after all).
Welcome to the "missed connections" section which is listed under the "Personals" heading just above "rants and raves". Here is where you post a message to a person you ran into in public, or at a bar, or in your office after hours. This message should describe in detail what your brief and awkward interaction was like, and how you wish them to email you if they want to meet up again. First things first, I mean seriously... aside from this having "message in a bottle" type-odds to begin with, EVEN if the person finds your ad, do you want to meet up with someone who was trolling Craigslist in the first place? The sane answer is NO! NO YOU DO NOT! .. but this cloud still has a silver lining for people like myself who troll these postings for other reasons: TO MESS WITH THE POSTER.
Here's what I do:
1) Start a FAKE email address at Hotmail, or Yahoo, or Google etc.
2) Go to a Craigslist "missed connections" posting you find particularly funny and pathetic.
3) Give them some false hope with a witty response to what they say.
4) Wait for a reply....
Here is a recent example I took from the Eastern CT Craiglsist...
Toys R Us TV Section - w4m - 18 (Waltham, MA)
I seen you in the Toys R Us in Waterford. Looked like u was gonna steal that TV. Hope you didn't, cuz then I wouldn't want you no more. I liked the blue gum you was blowin bubbles wit. Men wit blue gum always get me hot. I hope you saw me in my velour pink tracksuit and thought my booty was fine. Holla at me if it was u.
And here is my response:
Dearest Boo,
Yes girl I actually had done seen you at Toys R' Us in Waterford. I want you to know that I had no serious intentions of stealing the television at all. I wouldn't even have time to set it up in between switching adding glitter graphics to my myspace profile and searching Craigslist for missed connection posts.
I would like you to know that I do indeed think your booty was fine in those hot "velour" track pants. I just hope that you didn't steal them because then I wouldn't be interested. HAHA nahh.. just playin' girl, you know how I do. I got some blue raspberry gum with your name on it cuz I know you is kinky too.
Holla at yo' boy
Paul
So in closing I would ask anyone who is going to try this to make sure they keep a safe distance between them and the people they are emailing. Also, make sure to send me a copy of what you sent and perhaps it could win you tickets to the next Lease-A-Laugh show.
Holla at yo' boy....
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