comedy contest

Puppies that "Molest"

This next "thought" that I had on a "thing" happened recently when I read a magazine that had descriptions of wines that had been sampled. I found the wording to be a little... odd. Here is a snippet of what I read:

"... found it to be a light-bodied, well dressed wine... very shy, and tender... found that after some coaxing the wine came about into fruition.."

... what the hell? Are you serious? I wasn't sure if the taster was at a vineyard tasting this wine, or if he had simply "coaxed" it into his molester van. What, did the wine not get in till you showed it the candy AND the puppy!?! Are you speaking in code??

AND THAT IS WHEN IT HIT ME...

I mean, we all know that child molestation has its obvious victims... the children (or in this case.. the wine). Its a terrible thing and the children deserve all the help the can get. But what about the other victims involved? What about the PUPPIES used to lure the children into the van? Who is considering THEIR needs?

You are probably thinking that this sounds ridiculous. I just want you to see it from the puppies side. Imagine growing up with the guilt of knowing its your fault. The guilt of constantly thinking to yourself that if you hadn't been as cute as you are, the kid would have passed up the skittles and kept walking. Think about what it must be like in the pound for that puppy. He must have to lie about what he's in for. Nobody wants to say anything about molestation in the slammer when someone asks what crime you committed. Thats how you get yourself beat down in the yard.

Example:

OLDER DOG: So.. uh.. hey kid. What are you in for?

PUPPY: Ahh.. nothin.. I didn't do nothin

OLDER DOG: Yeah, thats what we all say... just tell me, its not like I ain't heard worse.

PUPPY: Well... its a long story......

OLDER DOG: What was the CHARGE kid?

PUPPY: Accessory to Molestation

OLDER DOG: ....

PUPPY: It's not what you think.

OLDER DOG: Molestation of a kid?.. like a little kid?

PUPPY: Well.. yeah.

OLDER DOG: ARE YOU KIDDING ME!???!!! Most of us would be happy just to have an OWNER!! And there you were... with an owner.. and you freakin MOLESTED HIM!!!!

PUPPY: NO!.. I was only an accessory to the crime!

OLDER DOG: Whatever you wanna call it pervert. You wait till I see you out in the yard... you are going to wish you never talked to me kid...

So as you can see there are victims that you don't always think about. I'm willing to hear anyone's suggestion as to how to help these animals. Maybe a rehab program?? Whatever you think of, be sure to email it to me and the funniest one will be posted right here and will win a pair of tickets to the next Lease-a-Laugh show!